...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
