I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
