hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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