Barsexuality is the new black.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
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