I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
