wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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