something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Someone signed my nipple.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
