I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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