After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
