i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
