glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize