My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
