pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
