You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
In America we eat man semen.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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