I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
