I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
