before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
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