i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
