When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
