You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
