North Korea, Best Korea!
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
