I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
