your room smells of hookers.
And success
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
