just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
This is the high leading the old right now
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
