i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
