bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize