Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
When did angry sex become our thing?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
