is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize