i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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