hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize