I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
