How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
