Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
