Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
