I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
