god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I need to sanitize my soul.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
