Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
