Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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