i don't like sucking hair
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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