Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
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