alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
