This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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