You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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