I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
