we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
