This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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