I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
