I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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