Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
