Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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