Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize