i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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