my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
