Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I need moral support for this bender
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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