i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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