so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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