I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
