The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
