i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize