Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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