Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
