Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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