Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
