If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
