I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
