Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
