cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
