bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
