first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
