I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
