You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize