That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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