last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
