Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
